GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Randomize
