I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
handjob tips. give me some.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
