i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
