You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Randomize
