I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
