I think my vagina is haunted
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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