Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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