How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
