I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
