Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
