my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
