hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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