sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
