My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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