first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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