i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
