the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
