My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
