ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize