I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
