I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I want a musical about memes.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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