i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
