So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
