i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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