I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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