Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
