actually, I'm a sock model
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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