This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
