the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
