I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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