so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
