Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
