i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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