She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just blew my weed a kiss
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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