The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you will always have a special place in my vag
it's like heaven, but drunker
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
