I am spending my child support on dildos
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
