gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Randomize
