I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You pole danced in your parka.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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