My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
