are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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