Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
