She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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