You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
