yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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