I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
