Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
