yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My ass is underappreciated
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
