DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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