Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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