Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
