So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
