You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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