Swine flu. Run for my life!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
