Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize