You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
