yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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