The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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