my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
