Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
