Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
