TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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