Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize