Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize