You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
