I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
