I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
