was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
