I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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