I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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