I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
