Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
