I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
