Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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