i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
